Dec 4, 2014

I Don't F*ck With You


I recently heard a new song by Big Sean called I Don’t Fuck With You. It’s quite the listen, and has been in constant rotation on my playlist ever since. In the song, Big Sean goes on a post romance rant about moving on after a seemingly nasty break-up. Although the entire song knocks, the hook is what stands out the most. It’s bold, catchy and gets the point across — all the things a hook is supposed to be and do:

I don’t fuck with you
You lil stupid ass bitch, I ain’t fuckin’ with you
You lil, you lil dumb ass bitch, I ain’t fuckin’ with you
I got a million trillion things I’d rather fuckin’ do
Than to be fuckin’ with you, lil stupid ass

I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck
I don’t, I don’t, I don’t give a fuck
Bitch, I don’t give a fuck about you, or anything that you do
Don’t give a fuck about you, or anything that you do


It sounds better than it reads. But don't take my word, check it out for yourself:


Beneath the bravado (and what some may consider vulgarity) actually lies a pretty empowering sentiment, and would have served as an excellent foundation for a gay anthem. I know, I know, but follow me for a second. All too often gay people find themselves fighting and hankering for acceptance among the general public. That’s all and well when
it comes to equal rights and protections under the law. That’s needed and an absolute must. However, what’s not so necessary is exasperating oneself and feeling terrible when assholes reject who you are.

Think about the couple in Colorado who made headlines because they were denied a wedding cake. The bakery they sought out didn't think too highly of same sex marriage, and wanted nothing to do with their nuptials. The incident resulted in litigation. But why? Why did this couple deem it worthwhile to go through such lengths? Just to be able to financially support someone who, for whatever reason, loathes their very existence? Instead a swift and professional “you lil stupid ass bitch, I ain’t fuckin’ with you” should have countered the bakery owner’s refusal. They should have been relieved knowing they were not supporting homophobic bigots, not alarmed, not angry. They should have happily went and found a bakery that would have accepted their business, or in the very least not dumb enough to turn it away. Gay money is no different than “straight” money.

Think about the student at Morgan State University who was denied access to a fraternity when current members became aware of his sexuality. They decided he wasn't a good fit because of his love interests. In turn the young man decided to file a formal compliant and go to the press to share his story of disappointment. Fine. But I really hope he offered a “you lil dumb ass bitch, I ain’t fuckin’ with you” to those homophobic bastards as well. As opposed to being shamed and seeking other means to join. I hope he considered starting his own fraternity for gay black men, or one that was inclusive of all types of people. I hope he felt like they missed out on a good brother by excluding him and not the other way around. Because everyone knows the gays do it better (joking but not joking). If the fraternity members had been smart they would have jumped on the opportunity to upgrade their organization. The student was quite accomplished having served as a White House intern among other accolades.

Think about the recent viral YouTube video where a teen comes out to his parents. Their response was one of complete ignorance, and sadly, typical of many southern bred families. The clip is disturbing. I imagine the episode left the lil' guy broken and filled with grief. But a “I don’t give a fuck” is imperative in situations like this. I once heard Dan Savage pass along some great advice to those struggling with coming out to their families. He said instead of fearing their rejection, you make them fear yours. Many times parents do and say crazy shit because they want to control the situation, believing they can force their child into magically becoming a heterosexual. They don't really want to lose the relationship, but rather scare their gay child “straight”. Sometimes they come around and accept the undeniable truth, sometimes they don’t. But regardless, finding an inner “I don’t give a fuck” can carry one through until times get better. 

* To any young person reading this, be smart with your “I don't give a fuck”, and always put your well-being first. If you feel as if your family will have an extremely adverse reaction to your coming out, you may want to wait until you're completely self-sufficient. Don’t risk homelessness, physical harm, etc.

Think about the many times you've seen someone on social media post something insanely absurd about the gays. Oh how easy it is to get embroiled in a heated discussion at such occasions. But these moments don't require lengthy back and forths. After you've made your point, play your trump card: “Bitch, I don't give a fuck about you, or anything that you do.” And keep it moving. I've learned that in most cases, no matter what you say, people are going to believe what they want to believe. Trying to convince someone to think the same way you do is tiring AF. So let idiots be idiot — by themselves.

Gay people face constant rebuffs. The aforementioned is only a few of the less than ideal situations a gay man or woman may find themselves in. And although we’re in better times, there’s still much progress to be made. So until being gay is no longer a thing, we have to remember to never let the negative opinions of others make us feel bad. If a seat at the table is not given, we have to create our own. Instead of feeling defeated, we have to be empowered and navigate life with our heads up. Take the words of Big Sean and apply them as necessary.
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